What therapy has been like for me

The first time I ever spoke to a therapist was when I was in high school. At the time, there was someone in my life who was suicidal, and as a 16 year old girl, I was extremely terrified and had no idea what to do or say to help. At the time, I just had the one session to get some tips and advice and then didn't see that counsellor again.

When I first sought help for my own struggles, I was in my first year of university and struggling with my body image. There were a few things going on in my life around that time, that now looking back, I realise were potential risk factors for body image issues and eating disorders.

At the time, Instagram was becoming a really unsafe place for me, and I would often find myself trapped in a cycle of comparison. Which was starting to seep into the relationship I had with eating and exercise - you can read more about this experience in my previous blog. I got some great support, and after feeling more in control and on my feet, I took a bit of a break from therapy.

In the next few years after that, I was noticing the symptoms of anxiety that I had been educating other people about starting to appear in myself and I knew that it was time to get some treatment and support before it spiralled.

I went on to see two different therapists at two different headspace centres. While they were lovely people and were super caring and non-judgemental, there was just something in me that didn't feel right - I knew deep down that they weren't the right therapist for me. So there I was, having shared my story with two counsellors already, and began preparing to open up and retell my story for the third time.

Not going to lie, I was a bit tired of the process, but I also knew that when I found the right therapist, it would be life-changing.

So, I persevered.

I liken my therapy story to the tale of Goldilocks - the third one I tried was just right! Unlike headspace, which was a free service within the government/public system, this third therapist that I tried was a private psychologist in a private clinic, meaning I had to pay out of pocket (but going to the GP to get a Mental Health Care Plan subsidised these sessions massively!).

This therapist understood me from the get-go. There was absolutely nothing I couldn't tell her - I felt right from the beginning that I could trust her completely. I also felt safe and comfortable telling her what I wanted and expected from her too!

I told her that in previous counselling experiences, I felt that all I did was rock up once a fortnight, cry and then go home only to do it all again the next fortnight. "I need strategies, I need homework, I need things to do and try in between sessions" was how I put it. I didn't want to just cry and go home feeling like I've achieved nothing.

Gladly, she accepted this(as all good therapists should!) and was up to the task of giving me what I needed from therapy. My therapist (who I still see to this day) has seen me through some of my absolute worst times; she has seen me through heartbreak, low moods, good times, and everything else in between.

Finding the right therapist - and a good one at that - has certainly been life-changing.

It's allowed me to understand my learned and automatic behaviours and unpack why they exist and how I can start changing them. It's given me a space to safely explore my insecurities and deepest fears and worries. It's made me realise I'm a lot more self-aware and stronger than I ever thought.

I've said it a thousand times and I'll keep saying it... therapy has been one of the most profound acts of self-care I have ever done.

If you’re yet to seek therapy in your life, I really hope you do consider giving it a go - even if it takes a few tries to find the right person.